My 19 year old son at uni doing journalism sent me this; (made me smile in these days of doom and gloom), nothing particularly against Wayne; tongue in cheek stuff - just a bit of fun:
On the 24th of January 1987, the world welcomed a young Welshman known as Wayne. Wayne Hennessey.
His parents were delighted with the arrival of their seemingly healthy young boy, however his health deteriorated rapidly over the first few months of infancy. Wayne was in and out of hospital regularly with fears that he was developing a rare virus which affected the shape of his limbs. Unfortunately, for the Hennessey family, the tests for the virus proved positive and Wayne had in fact developed CPH.
CPH is more commonly known to the public as Crisp Packet Hands.
Young Hennessey’s hand actually began to take the shape of crisp packets. Although this put a major dent in his dreams of becoming a hand model for H.Samuel, he found that having hands shaped like a Mccoys bag actually made him fairly handy (pardon the pun) when playing goalkeeper.
Hennessey used his oversized palms to his advantage while playing between the sticks, leading to a swift rise through the ranks of Wolverhampton Wanderers, establishing himself as a top class keeper.
Then came the January of 2014.
Crystal Palace were in a desperate search for a new keeper as Julian Speroni had been playing consecutively for the last 6,271 seasons for the Eagles, and desperately needed a break to have a look at local care homes and Hennessey looked like the ideal replacement.
During the Palace medical, the club physio at the time, Alex Manos, noticed that Wayne’s CPH virus was actually progressively getting worse. When Manos was about to pull the plug on the transfer because of the virus, Hennessey started to blackmail him.
The details of the blackmail are unclear but rumours have me to believe that Hennessey had obtained an obscene video involving Manos and a tub of hummus.
Hennessey swiftly passed the medical.
When Hennessey debuted for the Eagles, his CPH syndrome was barely visible, he looked fairly tidy, and him playing meant that Speroni could really focus on his crossword puzzles and sudoku to keep his cognitive skills switched on.
However, during the the start of the 14/15 season, disaster struck.
Hennessey’s CPH virus had gotten worse. Not only did his hands now take the shape of crisp packets, they were now made of the same material. Any football struck at his hands would just pass right through him like a chicken madras.
This, combined with his phobia of claiming crosses (stemmed from his family being murdered by a corner kick), meant that someone would have to check Speroni’s pulse and wake him up from his afternoon nap so he could save the Eagles.
However, after Julian’s 76th hip replacement surgery, Wayne is still Palace’s first choice keeper and who am i to discriminate against someone with a disability as severe as CPH syndrome? At least the bloke has a big rod.
God bless you crisp packet Hennessey. God bless you.
On the 24th of January 1987, the world welcomed a young Welshman known as Wayne. Wayne Hennessey.
His parents were delighted with the arrival of their seemingly healthy young boy, however his health deteriorated rapidly over the first few months of infancy. Wayne was in and out of hospital regularly with fears that he was developing a rare virus which affected the shape of his limbs. Unfortunately, for the Hennessey family, the tests for the virus proved positive and Wayne had in fact developed CPH.
CPH is more commonly known to the public as Crisp Packet Hands.
Young Hennessey’s hand actually began to take the shape of crisp packets. Although this put a major dent in his dreams of becoming a hand model for H.Samuel, he found that having hands shaped like a Mccoys bag actually made him fairly handy (pardon the pun) when playing goalkeeper.
Hennessey used his oversized palms to his advantage while playing between the sticks, leading to a swift rise through the ranks of Wolverhampton Wanderers, establishing himself as a top class keeper.
Then came the January of 2014.
Crystal Palace were in a desperate search for a new keeper as Julian Speroni had been playing consecutively for the last 6,271 seasons for the Eagles, and desperately needed a break to have a look at local care homes and Hennessey looked like the ideal replacement.
During the Palace medical, the club physio at the time, Alex Manos, noticed that Wayne’s CPH virus was actually progressively getting worse. When Manos was about to pull the plug on the transfer because of the virus, Hennessey started to blackmail him.
The details of the blackmail are unclear but rumours have me to believe that Hennessey had obtained an obscene video involving Manos and a tub of hummus.
Hennessey swiftly passed the medical.
When Hennessey debuted for the Eagles, his CPH syndrome was barely visible, he looked fairly tidy, and him playing meant that Speroni could really focus on his crossword puzzles and sudoku to keep his cognitive skills switched on.
However, during the the start of the 14/15 season, disaster struck.
Hennessey’s CPH virus had gotten worse. Not only did his hands now take the shape of crisp packets, they were now made of the same material. Any football struck at his hands would just pass right through him like a chicken madras.
This, combined with his phobia of claiming crosses (stemmed from his family being murdered by a corner kick), meant that someone would have to check Speroni’s pulse and wake him up from his afternoon nap so he could save the Eagles.
However, after Julian’s 76th hip replacement surgery, Wayne is still Palace’s first choice keeper and who am i to discriminate against someone with a disability as severe as CPH syndrome? At least the bloke has a big rod.
God bless you crisp packet Hennessey. God bless you.
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