Wanted to open up to the Good Ship BBS about this issue,
I'm fast approaching the time in life where it almost becomes expected by my friends/family that i should be entering a new chapter in my life which is to settle down and start a family.
I am curious as to why it seems so important to third parties that i help produce a child or two. Parents asking questions like "when will you make me a grandma?" & comments like "isn't it about time you started a family of your own"? Is it selfish to at least question whether or not bringing life into the world is a good idea?
If you were to read the Daily Fail, the world is full of broken families, parents lacking in responsibility, millions of children are not raised in safe environments, bad schooling/teachers means that a high proportion of children are illiterate and inumerate, then they grow up to appear on the Jeremy Kyle show at 14 where they are already on their second DNA test and all on benefits. (Of course this is a glamourised perspective but I'm sure some people know someone who's a "dead beat" father or parents that have been classified as "unfit" or had to make a call to the NSPCC or social services or whatever)
There is fear attached to me, as a human, which is "would i be a good parent?" "Would i be able to handle the responsibility?" "Do i have enough job security/finance in place to support a child or two?"
I would hope that all parents would at least consider these sorts of questions before thinking about bringing a new life into the world but the more i see in my local area and talking with friends, it seems that there is becoming a more relaxed attitute to the overall responsibility from the "gap-year" generation to having kids. Women in nightclubs that boast about having three kids already but instead of being at home looking after them, have passed them onto the grandparents and vocalise how she will continue to live the out-going lifestyle of mass-drinking and inconsequential/meaningless sex (which potentially leads to baby number four). I find this ever increasing mentality quite frightening.
The expense side of things is also quite alarming from a non-parent looking at the items in the Mothercare catalogue. It's endless the amount of materialistic things that apparently "your baby" needs in order to survive and be cared for properly. Sure, some of it is commercial BUT if you weren't to provide a safe cot, dirty clothes, fresh baby milk or not change nappies frequently, i'm pretty sure the NSPCC would come knocking.
Do you become seen as "less of a person" to others if you hit 50 and you tell people you are childless? Do people look at you strangely and ask "how did you get to 50 without having a child? What's wrong with you?" If you have been married for say 10 years and haven't produced a child, why do third parties seem really concerned about this situation? They seem to question whether there are "problems" with having children, dreaming up whether the male has a low count etc. Why is it a third parties business if a couple decide to marry but not to have kids?
Is it honourable or a cop out to just hold your hands up and say "i couldn't handle the responsibility of raising a child so decided not to create one" - Enough people's lives have been ruined by a poor upbringing, why would i want to add to that statistic?
Is it selfish to say "I am barely keeping my head above water as it is, in terms of finances (mortgage/bills etc) then add on rail fares and other expenses, so why burden myself with a child"?
A friend of mine has a child at school which incurs fees of £4,000 a term, that is their choice and if they can afford that, all power to them, but the figure is big chunk of money that is scary, at least to me.
I probably waffled on long enough but are these concerns legitimate?
I'm fast approaching the time in life where it almost becomes expected by my friends/family that i should be entering a new chapter in my life which is to settle down and start a family.
I am curious as to why it seems so important to third parties that i help produce a child or two. Parents asking questions like "when will you make me a grandma?" & comments like "isn't it about time you started a family of your own"? Is it selfish to at least question whether or not bringing life into the world is a good idea?
If you were to read the Daily Fail, the world is full of broken families, parents lacking in responsibility, millions of children are not raised in safe environments, bad schooling/teachers means that a high proportion of children are illiterate and inumerate, then they grow up to appear on the Jeremy Kyle show at 14 where they are already on their second DNA test and all on benefits. (Of course this is a glamourised perspective but I'm sure some people know someone who's a "dead beat" father or parents that have been classified as "unfit" or had to make a call to the NSPCC or social services or whatever)
There is fear attached to me, as a human, which is "would i be a good parent?" "Would i be able to handle the responsibility?" "Do i have enough job security/finance in place to support a child or two?"
I would hope that all parents would at least consider these sorts of questions before thinking about bringing a new life into the world but the more i see in my local area and talking with friends, it seems that there is becoming a more relaxed attitute to the overall responsibility from the "gap-year" generation to having kids. Women in nightclubs that boast about having three kids already but instead of being at home looking after them, have passed them onto the grandparents and vocalise how she will continue to live the out-going lifestyle of mass-drinking and inconsequential/meaningless sex (which potentially leads to baby number four). I find this ever increasing mentality quite frightening.
The expense side of things is also quite alarming from a non-parent looking at the items in the Mothercare catalogue. It's endless the amount of materialistic things that apparently "your baby" needs in order to survive and be cared for properly. Sure, some of it is commercial BUT if you weren't to provide a safe cot, dirty clothes, fresh baby milk or not change nappies frequently, i'm pretty sure the NSPCC would come knocking.
Do you become seen as "less of a person" to others if you hit 50 and you tell people you are childless? Do people look at you strangely and ask "how did you get to 50 without having a child? What's wrong with you?" If you have been married for say 10 years and haven't produced a child, why do third parties seem really concerned about this situation? They seem to question whether there are "problems" with having children, dreaming up whether the male has a low count etc. Why is it a third parties business if a couple decide to marry but not to have kids?
Is it honourable or a cop out to just hold your hands up and say "i couldn't handle the responsibility of raising a child so decided not to create one" - Enough people's lives have been ruined by a poor upbringing, why would i want to add to that statistic?
Is it selfish to say "I am barely keeping my head above water as it is, in terms of finances (mortgage/bills etc) then add on rail fares and other expenses, so why burden myself with a child"?
A friend of mine has a child at school which incurs fees of £4,000 a term, that is their choice and if they can afford that, all power to them, but the figure is big chunk of money that is scary, at least to me.
I probably waffled on long enough but are these concerns legitimate?
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