This is it, ladies and gents. The day of reckoning where our longstanding, vastly superior (according to all metrics other than match results and league positions, which as we all know are essentially irrelevant these days) rivals finally join us in football's promised land is just three sleeps away.
Brighton And Hove Albion are understandably on a high at present. Saturday evening's New Wembley appearance will see them try to better ours exactly one week beforehand, in the final match of football's most esteemed knockout competition. That, of course, ended in a humiliating 1-2 evisceration by a side with so few honours (3 Champions Leagues, 1 Cup Winners’ Cup, 20 Championships, 12 FA Cups, 4 League Cups) they might as well be non-league.
In contrast, Brighton are already assured of defeating the clearly inferior Hull City, who famously don't own a tinpot to piss in. No wonder their tails are up.
This New Wembley occasion will also see them look to better their previous appearance at the national stadium, when... er... well... okay, that game seems to be missing from this year's Rothman's Football Yearbook. Rest assured I shall be writing a strongly worded letter of complaint to its editor concerning this oversight. Or would it be, if it still existed.
The current play-off campaign is Brighton's second in four years. In their lone previous attempt to score a Premier League berth, the Seagulls were unfortunate to be eliminated by Derby 2-6 on aggregate, all six opposition goals coming from penalties awarded by Mike Dean. And scored by Mike Dean. Had it not been for Mike Dean, they, and not Leicester, would currently be celebrating this season's Premier League title. It is known.
The team might have fancied its chances in the 2012/13 campaign, finishing above rivals Palace in the only season in recent memory for which records still exist. But devastatingly, all play-off matches were famously cancelled due to a series of nearby university open days clashing with the semis, and a Peppa Pig day-nighter conflicting with the final.
Brighton and Palace have definitely never ever ever met in the play-offs. And if they had, the winner's bragging rights would be rendered null and void within thirty minutes of the final whistle. Because… because… your mum.
Many expected Sheffield Wednesday to be named victors of this year’s semi-final tie with the Albion. In an encouraging sign for the Owls, they succeeded at kicking the spherical thing into the rectangular thing more often than their world-renowned opponents.
But the Yorkshire side hadn't bargained for poker god and Brighton owner Tony Bloom. Proclaiming he’d had his ace of hearts unjustly confiscated in the Mickey Mouse town of Middlesbrough, he instead lay his sympathy card and reminded the officials that flags were flown and songs were sung. This led to an 'Amex Index' multiplier of 7.21% being applied to the given attendance numbers, and Brighton were awarded their long-merited place in the final.
Brighton will fancy their chances on Saturday, with the club's 73,000 season ticket holders having pre-booked their match tickets as soon as they went on sale in 1979, and the entire population of Uganda being flown over for the fixture courtesy of Tesco Value Air.
For those arriving early to soak up the greatest atmosphere in the history of Wembley – if not sport itself – the club's official revisionist historian and general internet thundergonk 'Tozza' will be signing copies of his book, 'Palace 3 Liverpool 3 And 12 Other Message Board Threads I Deleted In A Green-Eyed Hissy Fit, Even Though Our Rivals Have Nothing On Us' at various areas around the stadium. [Entitlement Boulevard, Clackers Close, The Magiko Circle, Premier League Ready Way].
All fans should be aware that fire drill testing may be carried out at random intervals from the 82nd minute onwards.
Tickets, with bespoke designs celebrating landmark years in Albion history, are available now and priced at £5.00 (commemorating 2002), £3.02 (2005), £3.01 (2011), £3.00 (2012) and £2.00 (2013).
The club's official cup final song, 'The Only Way Ain't Up', by Kaz & The Plastic Population, is available on iTunes now.
Best of luck, friends, enjoy your glorious day out, and see you in the 2016-17 Premier League.
Brighton And Hove Albion are understandably on a high at present. Saturday evening's New Wembley appearance will see them try to better ours exactly one week beforehand, in the final match of football's most esteemed knockout competition. That, of course, ended in a humiliating 1-2 evisceration by a side with so few honours (3 Champions Leagues, 1 Cup Winners’ Cup, 20 Championships, 12 FA Cups, 4 League Cups) they might as well be non-league.
In contrast, Brighton are already assured of defeating the clearly inferior Hull City, who famously don't own a tinpot to piss in. No wonder their tails are up.
This New Wembley occasion will also see them look to better their previous appearance at the national stadium, when... er... well... okay, that game seems to be missing from this year's Rothman's Football Yearbook. Rest assured I shall be writing a strongly worded letter of complaint to its editor concerning this oversight. Or would it be, if it still existed.
The current play-off campaign is Brighton's second in four years. In their lone previous attempt to score a Premier League berth, the Seagulls were unfortunate to be eliminated by Derby 2-6 on aggregate, all six opposition goals coming from penalties awarded by Mike Dean. And scored by Mike Dean. Had it not been for Mike Dean, they, and not Leicester, would currently be celebrating this season's Premier League title. It is known.
The team might have fancied its chances in the 2012/13 campaign, finishing above rivals Palace in the only season in recent memory for which records still exist. But devastatingly, all play-off matches were famously cancelled due to a series of nearby university open days clashing with the semis, and a Peppa Pig day-nighter conflicting with the final.
Brighton and Palace have definitely never ever ever met in the play-offs. And if they had, the winner's bragging rights would be rendered null and void within thirty minutes of the final whistle. Because… because… your mum.
Many expected Sheffield Wednesday to be named victors of this year’s semi-final tie with the Albion. In an encouraging sign for the Owls, they succeeded at kicking the spherical thing into the rectangular thing more often than their world-renowned opponents.
But the Yorkshire side hadn't bargained for poker god and Brighton owner Tony Bloom. Proclaiming he’d had his ace of hearts unjustly confiscated in the Mickey Mouse town of Middlesbrough, he instead lay his sympathy card and reminded the officials that flags were flown and songs were sung. This led to an 'Amex Index' multiplier of 7.21% being applied to the given attendance numbers, and Brighton were awarded their long-merited place in the final.
Brighton will fancy their chances on Saturday, with the club's 73,000 season ticket holders having pre-booked their match tickets as soon as they went on sale in 1979, and the entire population of Uganda being flown over for the fixture courtesy of Tesco Value Air.
For those arriving early to soak up the greatest atmosphere in the history of Wembley – if not sport itself – the club's official revisionist historian and general internet thundergonk 'Tozza' will be signing copies of his book, 'Palace 3 Liverpool 3 And 12 Other Message Board Threads I Deleted In A Green-Eyed Hissy Fit, Even Though Our Rivals Have Nothing On Us' at various areas around the stadium. [Entitlement Boulevard, Clackers Close, The Magiko Circle, Premier League Ready Way].
All fans should be aware that fire drill testing may be carried out at random intervals from the 82nd minute onwards.
Tickets, with bespoke designs celebrating landmark years in Albion history, are available now and priced at £5.00 (commemorating 2002), £3.02 (2005), £3.01 (2011), £3.00 (2012) and £2.00 (2013).
The club's official cup final song, 'The Only Way Ain't Up', by Kaz & The Plastic Population, is available on iTunes now.
Best of luck, friends, enjoy your glorious day out, and see you in the 2016-17 Premier League.
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